HARD CUDDLES #17 - COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE MAN BY MB

COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE MAN

In September of 2019, the Hard Cuddles team took away three young men addicted to the drug ice. The journey was a 5-day Into the Wild experience, to a remote camping location situated on the most stunning beach the east coast has to offer.

Two of those men are now clean and functioning members of the community. This is the account as told by one of the participants:

Day 1 Nervous/In-charge

Today Hard Cuddles went off on our camp. We met at James’ house and I got to meet the lads. We took off and had a long drive ahead of us. With only a few stops we reached camp. We set up and had our lunch.

When we arrived I immediately felt connected to the wildlife, especially the kangaroos. After lunch, we left camp to embark on our first fishing trip. Even though the fish we caught weren't what we were after, we now had shark bait. We had a good time fishing with lots of laughs and started to bond (the lads are great). Shortly after we got back to the beach to have a quick bath (f%cking freezing). When we were around the fire we each receive our letters from home. Emotions and darts around the fire. I felt mum held back on what she had written me. To be honest I was disappointed but could understand why she did.

Day 2

Today we woke up to rain. As we all were up we headed into town where we had breakfast at the Seabreeze Café in Merimbula and stopped off at a few shops along the way. On the drive into town, I learned that Eddie Murphy has a brother CHARLIE MURPHY!!! James showed us a film clip of Charlie telling a stand-up comedy story. Good Laughs.

After we got back Kliney and I went on a fishing trip to the “FRIDGE” James joined us not long after. We caught three salmon and a green wrasse. We saw two sea eagles soaring in the skies and had some good laughs. Whilst James and Andy were off catching bait for the following days, Kliney and I bonded over some bocce.

Dinner was chicken ribs and a salad. AFTER DINNER WAS WHERE THIS PLACE TOOK FULL FORCE. As the dew started to set the shark hunters were out to hunt. The fire was roaring, the moon rising on cue (EPIC). The rods were all baited consistently, the tuna oil dribbled in the right spots we had everything, even the SNACKS. If there was a shark fishing guide there they would have been impressed, because hadn't put a foot wrong. All that was missing was the SHARK! As we chatted away and contemplated calling it a night it started to happen "THE FAIRYTALE FINISH".

The rod was right where we wanted it bent over and hooked with glory. After a short and fierce fight, we had ourselves a five-foot gummy shark. The excitement.  It was the second most thrilling embracing and joyful moment of my life. It wasn't even what we caught but the moment itself. HALL OF FAME MOMENT.

Day 3

This morning we were up early. Bacon and eggs for breaky. All up and ready to go, we headed off on a 4WD trip to fish and explore. Whilst James was the only one to bag two fish, the day was good enough. On the ride home back to camp we came across a 6-foot diamond back python. The first wild snake I've experienced up close was very insightful. Another great moment which I think we all got to bond over as a group.

After a short-lived spearfishing session due to the conditions, we got to try some of Chef Kliney’s abalone which James hauled in from the bay. After dinner, we are off to catch another shark and sit around another beach fire. THIS PLACE IS INSANE. THE JOINT ROCKS.

Day 4

Although the night didn't end as we hoped (no shark), Kliney and I had a very relaxing time on the beach. We constantly watched the rods laid next to the fire and chatted away five hours.

There will come a time in the not too distant future where we will be able to go on more Into the Wild adventures. Hard Cuddles is looking forward to taking many people on many more experiences just like this one.

Thank you to MB for allowing us to use your diary and a special thank you to Steven Kline for helping facilitate another epic adventure.

HARD CUDDLES #16 - FATHERS AND SONS BY JAMES HARDING

FATHER AND SONS

So many images of young men are a reflection of the shadow of their fear when in actual fact they never take off the emotional coat of their Fathers.

Young men striving to gain the approval, love, and respect of their fathers. When they in fact were or are struggling with their own place and existence in the universe, the ideology of a son needing assurance off a man that has been unable to break free of his own personal challenges, sets forward a chain reaction that can last forever. Deep underlying insecurities dictate the progress of a young man’s growth and end up superseding any spiritual beliefs gained from his own life experience. A fathers control and repressed constraints will limit the boy’s dynamic ability to find his own path and create the limitless abundance he is destined for. Through no fault of his own, the father’s vulnerability and emotional sensitivities can determine the extent to which his son is able to familiarise himself with his own capacity to grow and emerge as an unstoppable spiritual force. Only when the son removes the coat of his Father’s emotional restrictions will he be able to step forward into his own power and find what it is that allows his soul to be free.

Life is an adventure that rewards those courageous enough to step aside from normality and drive an idea that they are strong enough to overcome and achieve. There is no room for the perception of a thought process created from fear and shortcomings, an ideology that anyone needs the acceptance from their father is a belief that assurance will set you free. Male’s set themselves free by finding purpose and experience in the momentum of their own journey, the ego and mind will consistently challenge this by referring a channel of thought back to the most significant influence in their life, the father figure. It is of the highest importance to draw on a father’s experience and understand that his direction was applicable to his life, no two paths are the same. The inception of acceptance is bounded by a limited notion that father knows best, some sons never bother to explore life any further than the exposure they receive from their father. It is a truly overwhelming prospect that father’s can have so much control over their sons, nothing ventured nothing gained. The human spirit is designed to be bold and daring, to be able to absorb the astounding wonder that is the universe, if a father has lived a careful life then you can rest assured that he will do his best to protect his son from the same things that terrified him during his own personal growth. Never bothering to test the foundation of the spirit or forcing himself into the unthinkable depths of the vast unknown, these are not places of certainty or repetitious continuity and should be avoided at all costs. A life dedicated to following the rules and living within ones’ comfort zone is a protected existence, the constraints of this controlled expedition lead to a life of regret and unfulfilled promises. After all, fearless intrepidity is the cause of incredible emotional breakthroughs and the essence of a monumental journey.

Always looking for approval but never receiving it, they then dismiss their own boundaries and choices by daredevil antics that are inevitable to their downslide in society stripping more and more of the goodness, kindness and love, replacing it with anger frustration and isolation.

Destined for greatness and restricted by fear, a young man declines the opportunities presented to him in a desperate search for approval from his father. The father ignores his son's request and further denies him the appeasement the young man desires for forward progress, neither of them recognising the double-edged sword at play here. What begins as only a minor decision manifests itself into a lifetime of uncertainty and insecurity. So the young man rebels against the wishes of his father and overcompensates by indulging in risqué behaviour, only serving to undermine his emotional state and ability to practice spiritual awareness. Drug taking, alcoholism, gambling, violence is the attempted attention-grabbing antics of a young man consistently unable to make clear and concise decisions, fuelled by the unrelenting pressure he places on himself due to the complete lack of self-worth he feels from not receiving the love he so desires.

The undertaking of extreme and undermining behavioural patterns represses any chance the young man has of finding his own place in society and the universe. Mental strength and focus are the key building blocks and foundation of an adolescent forming his own personality, a supportive and emotionally stable male role model consistently replenishes any self-worth inadequacies he will face. A father unable to address his own emotional content controls and constrains his son's life experience. Without even trying the father can decide if his boy appreciates the strength and power of his own ability to make and create amazing abundance. If a father is unable to determine a clear path through his emotional vulnerabilities, he passes on an unprotected manner of discontent to his son. This anger and frustration manifests itself in many different ways, the most crucial restriction will be his ability to form a loving relationship with himself and a future life partner. When anyone is truly at peace with themselves, they, in turn, look at the world with gratitude and a sweet disposition of love and understanding, further creating inspiring momentum and forcing the universe to repay the favor with dynamic energy and untold serendipity. Young men deluded into feeling they need the “pats on the back” consistently indulge in practices that provide the significance they crave, but ultimately leave them feeling unfulfilled as they are not allowing themselves to find peace in what truly makes them happy. The search for self-worth is an elusive mirage that always seems so close, evidently, it proves to be the broken arrow a man will carry for the rest of life. The formality of pleasing people becomes a quest for recognition that aligns itself with a lifetime of hurt and regret. Never fully establishing one’s own personal boundaries or designing a clear projection of emotional awareness, opens the door to deep seeded insecurity and indecision. This trait can so easily become ingrained in a male’s psyche, forbidding any original thinking and rendering the soul as a passenger in a runaway car. There will be moments of victory and glimpses of clarity, but ultimately there is a fog that looms over life and serves to dictate one’s happiness. Loving relationships are the centre point of a beautiful and fruitful life, sharing and understanding the amazing connections possible on this stunning planet is the essence of this magnificent adventure. Genuine spiritual growth forces the human spirit to reveal his sensitivities and truths in open and honest fashion, with certainty and precision a man embraces both his female and male energy. Allowing both the natural calm, nurturing qualities of the female energy to bond and connect with the powerful, assertive energy of the male. Creating the perfect symmetry for awareness and limiting the reactive nature of the dominant male ego.

When a man feels supported and has enjoyed the nourishment of an involved and caring father, he can feel comfortable to share his emotions with an open and loving heart space. Such familiarity with common emotional expression leads to a stronger appreciation of self-worth if a male understands the relevance of his own vulnerability he is the master of his kingdom. Furthermore, there is limitless strength in openly communicating one’s feelings and redefining the all round thought around men avoiding all opportunities to be real and honest with other men.

JAMES HARDING

HARD CUDDLES #015 - ALLOW THE STRUGGLE BY JAMES MAXWELL

ALLOW THE STRUGGLE

When you see someone struggling, our human instincts are to jump in and help them. Allowing someone to struggle enables that person to be awakened. To learn such beautiful and valuable lessons about life. The main one being, YOU are in control of YOUR life and only YOU can fix it.

I was told a beautiful story by my program counsellor during one of our youth mentoring sessions the other week about a butterfly.

The butterfly story goes;

There was a young boy who was enamoured by caterpillars. So, he found one and decided to keep it and look after it. The boy loved this caterpillar when one day it started to create a cocoon for itself and disappeared inside. The boy was so excited for the caterpillar to turn into a butterfly and see it come out and fly away.

Then, one day, the cocoon started to open and the butterfly began to emerge. The boy was so excited! The butterfly then started to struggle. It was stuck in the cocoon and throwing itself around, trying to get itself out. But it just couldn’t do it. The boy was getting very upset. Worried the butterfly wouldn’t be able to get out.

He watched the butterfly struggle and he thought enough was enough. So, the boy decided he had to help. The boy then cut the butterfly free out of the cocoon but then, the butterfly couldn’t fly. The butterfly had a swollen body and small shrivelled wings and the boy hoped the wings would dry out and the butterfly would fly away, but it didn’t.

The butterfly then spent the rest of its life crawling around unable to fly.

The boy then learnt that the butterfly actually needed to struggle in order to fly. During the struggle, the butterfly drains the fluid out of their body and into their wings, allowing them to grow and giving them the ability to fly away and live a happy life.

The boy’s good intentions actually hurt the butterfly.

Allow the struggle, allow the learnings and just be there for someone, don’t seek to fix anything.

JAMES MAXWELL

HARD CUDDLES #014 - REWARD FOR EFFORT by James Harding

reward for effort

Swimming in the bay without a wetsuit in the middle of the winter aligns itself with madness, according to most of the population and there is some truth in that idea. This actually suits me well as I happen to be a little crazy myself and what's more? I happened to meet up with a tight group of like-minded people who also enjoy catching up at sunrise every morning for a swim in the freezing cold water of Port Phillip Bay.

Around this time of the year when there is ice on most outdoor surfaces in the morning and the temperature reads 2 degrees. I do question my sanity as I head down to the beach for a swim. The water is chilly enough to make a human feel like they have been punched in the chest, then you have to regulate that breathing and ignore your body telling itself it wants to shut down. So why do we do it?

Apart from the love of grounding myself and the connection I feel to the ocean, the healing minerals in the water, the heightened awareness levels, the rush of doing something a large percentage of people can't do and it's free. There are the creatures that live in the ocean that fascinate me the most and have done since I was a child. As a group, we have had some incredible encounters with the inhabitants of Port Phillip.

The other morning we were getting ready to go in when Maxi noticed there was a large pod of dolphins working some baitfish with the birds. We all decided to move quickly and see if the dolphin pod would by some chance head over and leave us with an experience to remember. We ended up swimming around a lot longer than normal chasing the action and came within 20 meters of the pod, allowing us to hear them talking in the water.

The pod circled and headed into waist-deep water, so we began swimming into the shallows only to see them heading right for us. I took a big breath and sunk underwater as six massive dolphins swam within a meter of us. I was lucky enough to look the closest dolphin right in the eye as it cruised past me and at that moment I felt my inner child doing backflips. Completely in flow with the ocean and blissed out, big time.

Looking at the faces of the other guys in the water I sensed they were feeling the same way. It's hard to put the experience into words, I chatted with my mum who has swum with dolphins in Dubai and she believes it is healing. Dad who has surfed with dolphins many times is always amazed when he encounters them. For me, I think it is the fact that I asked for the chance to swim with wild dolphins years ago, and then it happened. Life goal; TICK!

Living within 400m of a magnificent beach has been a godsend during the lockdown. Walking down to the beach for a swim no matter what the conditions is a concept I will never take for granted. Lockdown allowed our swimming group the opportunity to meet one another and connect through a collective love of cold water and adventure. I would highly recommend anyone seeking a lifestyle change to begin swimming in the ocean.

James Harding

HARD CUDDLES #013 - TRAINING DAY by Bethany Sampson

Danny, James, Cooper, James, Beth and Simi.

TRAINING DAY

I had never heard of Hard Cuddles till one day at school when I was told with my classmates that we are going to have a guest speaker come in and talk about his story. To be honest my first thought was “not another guest speaker” as school has brought a lot of people to speak to us about their story or company, but this time was different.

When we saw him, the room changed as even kids that would speak over the guest speaker stopped and listened to what was being said. He had the whole room listening as he said it how it is and did not hold back with telling his whole story. One of the things that I noticed, he was not afraid to show emotion or tears as he told his story with parts that are still raw to talk about.

I knew halfway through I wanted to do my work placement with him and to learn from him, lucky for me James was more then happy to have me take part in Hard Cuddles.

When I had my first day in placement it was a training day where we brainstormed ideas and I got to meet the whole team and straight away I knew I was in the right place. The calm welcoming atmosphere put me at ease.

Atmosphere in a place is very important to me and having that calm and welcoming feel to the place made it easy for me to open and share my ideas as well as my thoughts. James was so welcoming to have me along and I just love what he does for people who reach out for help that would normally fall through the cracks.

I’m looking forward to learning and growing as a person as when you are around James and his amazing team you can’t help but smile and feel at ease.

BETHANY SAMPSON

HARD CUDDES #012 - THE GIFT by Simi Leota

THE GIFT

While hibernating at home with my loved ones, I received an email from a great friend of mine, James. It was a link to a TED talk about a former methamphetamine addict and how he became a highly successful entrepreneur.

The entrepreneur shared three principles and how he actively pursued these daily exercises to stay alive:

·      Practice rigorous authenticity,

·      Surrender the outcome,

·      Do uncomfortable work

I echo these same principals in my own life. I'm certainly no entrepreneur, but what I am is silly, I'm playful, I speak plainly and love deeply. I try anything without overthinking and if I succeed then I've surprised the hell out of myself. I removed the goalposts and celebrate the tiny wins. I've unearthed past hurts from my childhood which continues to be uncomfortable work. I'm still under construction or deconstruction, depends on whichever way I look at it. I no longer 'tick' each box, I'd rather simply choose to be gentle with myself and try again tomorrow.

When I first started doing this work, I was challenged in a way I never considered. I’m a natural caregiver, I’m a husband, a father, a son, a friend and all I wanted to do was continue doing what I knew I was good at; to reassure, suggest a solution or offer comfort. I now understand through self-development and gaining essential knowledge that I am merely a navigator to one's self-determination and safe journey forward.

At Hard Cuddles we present to schools and prisons and share our personal authentic experiences. We challenge thought processes and offer strategies. Not everyone will agree with the information provided, but I’m not in the business of seeking approval from anyone and if my experiences can help one person, then this is my gift to you. 

Through viewing this Ted talk, it identified areas I need to work on.  It's interesting when close friends can subconsciously know what you need.  So, I thank my Hard Cuddles brother James Harding for sharing this gift.

Ihttps://youtu.be/UUnRKf2CemA

Simi Leota

Hard Cuddles

HARD CUDDLES #011 - THE BUSINESS OF STORYTELLING

THE BUSINESS OF STORYTELLING

The vision; leading emotional connection through peer support.

The mission; using active listening to create the opportunity for people to share their true stories in safe and supported surroundings.

The purpose; connecting people to their true selves and the community through narrative therapy.

The story of how Hard Cuddles was created begins after my wife and I shared an emotional conversation discussing how we were going to spend the next part of our lives together. The communication patterns we practice in our life partnership can best be described as consistently raw, real and relevant.

Together we had created a company that managed 20 different personalities daily and revolved around commercial/industrial waste management and disposal. Which in monetary terms is a great way to make a lot of cold hard folding, fast. I was working hours that were in-conducive to raising a large family with any real presence or connection.

The challenge with the waste industry was our values and the principles we consider non-negotiable were being compromised ethically and we had become complacent with a lifestyle that accompanied the money. The flip-side to the challenge, saw yours truly completing the night time waste collection in the CBD 6 days a week between 3 am-9 am. My eyes were opened to the level of disconnection and loneliness that exists for a section of our population calling the Melbourne city streets and alleyway’s home.

What I observed over a period of 6 months and subsequently shared with my wife was enough for the two of us to decide to sell our waste management company and create a social enterprise that served to provide sustainable value to the community. We had no idea how we were going to do it, I had no formal qualification at the time, but we knew supporting males was most definitely the best place to start.

Once this decision had been made, soul guru and friend Trevor Hendy randomly walked into our lives and changed them forever. This incredible human gave Kate and I the courage, support, and motivation we needed to leap into the dark abyss of financial insecurity that comes with an undertaking of that nature.

I enrolled in a Diploma of Counselling. Then we randomly met Dan Koch at the beach, who singlehandedly formed and created the digital footprint we needed to let the community know there was now a brotherhood out there that was willing and able to support men.

All we needed was a name. The name had to carry enough weight that when people heard it, it made them curious to learn more. It had to be bold enough to encapsulate and emphasize our underlying meaning, which in reality hadn’t fully been developed. There was only a basic framework. We were effectively discovering most of our story as we moved through the different stages of setting up our organisation.

One evening before putting our eldest daughter to bed, I had asked her to cuddle me, this is something I share with all the people in my life. A cuddle is an extremely personal experience, you get close enough to a person to be able to feel their energy. Cuddling a person for 20 seconds and you have a clear understanding of what they hold in their heart at that particular time.

Both my daughter and I shared a long hard cuddle, expressing how much we love each other and off she went to bed. The next morning around 5:00 am I was parked in my garbage truck at a petrol station in Altona when my wife’s number came up on my phone. It was my eldest daughter Lucy who was 4-years-old at the time who rang to say;

"We give hard cuddles don't we dad?”

As soon I heard those words, we had our name and that is the story of how Hard Cuddles came to be, we ignored the how and followed the why. Years later at his Open-Hearted Seminar, Trev along with his wife Jo proceeded to explain the significance of the yin and yang symbolism with a name like Hard Cuddles. The two words Hard Cuddles are both strength and softness all in one, aligning itself with the duality of life.

I would love to have taken credit for it, but the truth is, it had nothing to do with me. The name came from sharing a moment of connection with my 4-year-old-daughter.

Nearly three years on Hard Cuddles has grown to a team of five. We have re-connected people with their families, three people are in recovery from ice addiction, we are now working in the prison system, speaking at schools, sporting organisations, and businesses. We have Steven “next contest” Kline back from the abyss of prison, homelessness and addiction now mentoring and facilitating at Hard Cuddles. Simi “the Samoan” Leota a warrior, qualified counsellor and facilitator helping people find happiness.

All because of a thought, an idea created whilst driving a garbage truck and the unwavering support of an amazing woman.

Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

Want to see if Hard Cuddles can help you?
Fill out the Free Consultation Form and let's have a chat

These photos were taken during the period that I was driving a garbage truck in the city: 

This last image is a photo called “under the bridge” taken right near the Yarra river. I asked these four people who were getting ready to use heroin for permission to take the photo. They replied “of course, most people don’t even ask.” This defines connection in a different way.

HARD CUDDLES #010 - TRANSITION

 TRANSITION

“whats my job on this planet? what needs doing that I know something about, that probably wont happen unless I take responsibility for it?” Bill George - LEGACY

We have been at the coal face with drug addiction for over two years now with 8 males in recovery from ice addiction and 1 male in recovery from alcohol addiction. Our team regularly receives contact from women asking us to work with their husbands, sons, and nephews that have substance addictions. Due to the nature of our teams lived experience all of this makes sense.

What makes working with addiction harder than it needs to be is enabling parents scared of losing their children to the horror stories they hear on the news. A parent that foregoes their own boundaries to protect their children from the emotional and physical pain that comes with addiction, gives the addict permission to walk all over them, especially with ice addiction.

Lately we have been contacted by mothers and fathers that have sons between the ages of 12-17, usually after the Hard Cuddles team has presented or spoken to a younger group of males or females. It has been so refreshing to mentor and connect with the next generation and to see parents being pro-active about supporting their children’s emotional well-being. 

When we started Hard Cuddles, I was well aware the first wave of clients that came through the program would primarily be addicts drawn to the program because of my battle with addiction and we welcomed the challenge knowing that we would be able to create change and target hidden emotions that lay behind an addicts need to distract themselves from their own feelings.

The real change is going to come from encouraging teenage males to understand themselves and why they feel the way they do. It is easy for me to channel my former teenage self as I still very much feel like a teenager trapped in a man’s body. I can still remember the need to fit it with the crowd and I can still remember wanting to impress my friends with risqué behaviour.

The one thing I didn’t have was a mentor that I knew had walked a path similar to mine, a mentor that I could trust and share my feelings without judgement. My father is one of the most loving and supportive males placed on this earth, but he was dad. No way could he have ever smoked bongs in a park or punched on at a train station with his mates. I just assumed he was always a dad.

The idea that a young man can regularly catch up with a strong male role model and share his feelings, his challenges, talk about school, talk about girls and ask for advice on applicable scenarios makes sense. So this is precisely why we are moving towards working more with teenage males in a mentoring capacity, a sounding board for authenticity and truth.

As well as the one on one sessions we are offering an Into the Wild Retreat set up to provide a rite of passage journey for any young man to come away and spend time in the wilderness learning how to hunt, learning how to read the ocean, understanding how a particular eco-system works and connecting with men that have learned how to balance their warrior spirit with empathy.

Teenage males are the future, the team at Hard Cuddles view them as a blank canvas. They have all the structure and materials set up to paint a masterpiece but they need some gentle direction with the brushstrokes. We are now focusing our energy on producing quality young men that will be comfortable with their own company and ready to lead the generation after them.

To all the parents that have seen their children struggling and acted on it immediately, you should be proud of yourselves. From our perspective it is so much easier to mould a young man is in his teens that is still very open to change and exploring different concepts. Letting behavioural challenges go and managing adult males struggling with addiction and set in his thinking, is not.

 Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

Want to see if Hard Cuddles can help you?
Fill out the Free Consultation Form and let's have a chat

HARD CUDDLES Blog #009 - ADDICTION

ADDICTION

“When the whips are cracking, the willingness to learn and the ability to accept change is really what matters. There isn’t any room for excuses.” James Harding

At Hard Cuddles there are two non-negotiables that need to be answered correctly before we begin the healing process of recovery. How do you respond or adapt to massive change? And how do you handle the feeling of being uncomfortable for long periods of time?

The change and un-comfortability components mentioned above, are the two main areas that will always lead an addict back towards addiction if they are not ready or not completely honest with themselves. It doesn’t matter how good the therapist, counsellor or healer is a potential client that is in two minds about their recovery, can cause a lot of doubt for everyone involved.

If an addicts main motivation is to get their parents off their back or appease people around them that are demanding change, it’s doomed from the beginning. And from our point of view it is terribly hard to look two parents in the eye, two parents who see you as a saviour and tell them, “sorry he/she isn’t ready yet.”

One thing we always look for at Hard Cuddles is some FIGHT. What has the individual had to endure? How hard has their struggle been? What level of suffering have they had to withstand? Have they ever gone hungry because they purchased drugs with their last cent?

The hidden truth behind these questions is really very simple. If a person has endured or suffered enough, these experiences will catapult them through certain stages of change and allow the individual to draw on reserves of strength they already know they have.

Take Andy for example; a new client of ours. Andy has been past the point of no return and spent many years in the dark abyss of ice addiction. He has possibly the most compelling story I have heard, but the thing that sets Andy apart from an average addict is his willingness to learn and his ability to accept change. He was ready to stand up and fight for his life and that is precisely what we are looking for at Hard Cuddles.

What we are finding is an addict that has grown up in household of privilege, where everything has been done for them or they haven’t been used to hearing the word no, is going to struggle. To be completely honest this particular type of addict always seems to find an excuse or a way of wriggling out from genuine self-reflection and honest feedback. Struggle is the unavoidable lesson attached to addiction and the struggle will keep repeating itself till the addict understands the hidden truth in the journey.

Don’t be afraid to ask these questions to an addict that is “talking” about change, then let your intuition guide you towards what you think is the truth. Addiction can be a very slippery and conceited scenario, compounded by shame, guilt, lies and deception. So let your internal instinct lead you in the right direction. Park the analytical brain and listen to your truth.

 Why we like to work with addiction is primarily because we see it as the pointy end of mental health. Human beings self-medicating is a sure sign of someone that isn’t particularly comfortable with who they are and also something we understand through our own lived experiences.

If this resonates with you do not hesitate to contact the Hard Cuddles team.

You don’t have to be alone anymore.

Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

Want to see if Hard Cuddles can help you?
Fill out the Free Consultation Form and let's have a chat

HARD CUDDLES Blog #008 - CONNECTION

CONNECTION

 “connection doesn’t care about the laws of the land. Your soul will be pulled to the place it belongs.” – anonymous

 My seven-year-old son decided this year that he wanted to play AFL Football. I was surprised by this declaration as to his previous foray into the world of Auskick had left him emotionally drained and clearly overwhelmed. So as a loving and supporting father I told him that he didn't need to play football if he didn't enjoy it. He decided to have a break from the game, but now he was back!!

 I was lucky enough to grow up in a family that encouraged team sports and this for me transcended into a pathological obsession with AFL Football. I love the game and everything it offers. If you are willing to invest your energy and passion into our game, you will no doubt experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have spent many Saturdays at a cold MCG in winter.

 Football clubs are various things to different people. It was a football club that welcomed me with open arms and gave me the cuddle I needed to kick start my own rehabilitation. No questions were asked about my appearance and why I was so skinny, they didn't ask about my background and more importantly, they didn't judge me. It was the salvation I needed to be able to trust people again.

 The people involved in that football club offered an avenue to reconnect with the community and feel like I belonged somewhere. I have always felt indebted to football for this reason and at some stage in my life I made myself a promise that if I was ever afforded the opportunity to give back. I would take it. Putting my hand up to coach my son’s under 8’s football side was a no brainer.

 It is surreal to have 15 x seven-year-old boys staring at me eagerly waiting for the coach to give them directions. In a lot of ways, I still feel like a 7-year-old, especially when there is a football in my hands. With no tackling or scorekeeping, the under 8's version of football is about as pure as this game can get. My boys are out to kick goals and emulate their heroes.

 The most important aspect of my role is helping these young men grow and to feel that connection with their teammates, to be part of something unique. You see for certain kids, a coach may well be the most significant male role model in their life at that moment. It is my duty to provide an experience that galvanizes our team and leaves room for individual acts of brilliance.

With my ethos firmly entrenched in the "look after your’e teammates mentality", the players are bonding. They each have their own set of values, emotions, skills, and challenges just like adult beings. It has been incredible to learn how to coach with a bunch of kids that are learning how to play the game. It's the perfect fit we are growing together and understanding each other.

 Personally, I feel a huge sense of pride when I'm watching my boys produce the skills we practice every Wednesday night. When I see them complete an act that is out of their comfort zone, it makes me extremely emotional. Because I remember how scary that is when you're little. I love watching the way my boys get around each other and celebrate like kids, it makes me feel seven again.

 It would be fair to say I have completely invested my energy in something that is out of my control and outside of my comfort zone. I’m well aware of the responsibilities any coach has. So going forward I’m expecting good luck to come my way. From my experience the more you are willing to give of yourself, voluntarily to the community. The luckier you get.

My 8 areas of awareness:

·      Making sure they have fun

·      Everybody gets a chance to play in different positions

·      Equal amounts of game time

·      Managing parents expectations

·      Losing or getting beaten every week isn’t good for anyone’s confidence

·      Personal growth

·      Understanding the game

·      A feeling of connection

Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

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HARD CUDDLES Blog #007 - PORTLAND TUNA FISHING

PORTLAND TUNA FISHING

“We live in a speed-focused society, with pace comes pressure. Self-imposed pressure.”

 The truly incredible thing about going fishing on a boat is that you have no control over anything, once you get out there. Recently a group of men and myself went down to Portland, Victoria for the annual Southern Bluefin Tuna season. The same group of us having been doing the five-hour pilgrimage for 4 years now. As a keen young fisherman, I would always notice the monster tuna featured in the Herald Sun. All these monster fish were caught down in Portland, at some stage I promised myself that I would go down there and get myself a Barrel (100kg Bluefin Tuna). Initially, the trip was me and a good friend of mine, it was such a relaxing and bonding experience, others were soon eager to join in.

Heading away from Melbourne and into the country refreshes the mind. It is an overwhelming prospect looking out into the openness and tranquility of the journey, nothing but time and space. The mind wanders and you can feel yourself letting go of all the small challenges that were frustrating you. Vast open spaces clear thought in a way that only serves to determine the importance of having your own time. A time where you are free to unshackle your mind from the day to day grind. 

 The sea out the front of the Portland breakwater is a whole different proposition altogether. There is nothing pretty or glamorous about the weather down there, “it’s rough as guts.” There is an understanding with the ocean swell down in Portland, you are going to get a flogging either way.

“Nature will always prevail.”

On the way out this year, I looked out into to distance to see the sun starting to creep its way over the lip of the horizon and I wondered what this day held for us. The mind can play some tricks on you out in the middle of the dark abyss and it’s important to note that your levels of control will be tested regardless. She can be a cruel mistress the sea and such an opportunity to put yourself to the sword, so to speak.

I noticed the absence of sun, hidden behind the clouds creates a quiet mood on the boat. Heading out in dark rain clouds with a windy swell keeps everyone on edge. Men start to go within themselves, concentrating purely on survival. The thought of getting seasick and not being able to handle the environment, highlights a humans need to keep everything under control. 

Big rolling swells reveal a man’s inadequacies. As the boat gets pounded and thrown around by the unrelenting power of the sea, everyone on board begins to contemplate how many hours we have to spend out there. The mind is at play here, over in the distance the sun pokes through a little gap in the clouds and the emotions on the boat lift. We are now heading over towards the light and as a group, we begin to talk and laugh with each other. It’s tough work this fishing, with the stomach anxious and the mind racing with thoughts of negativity. How am I going to get through this?

Bang, bang, bang, FISH ON!!!! Three rods go off at once and we are seriously into the tuna. All the questions and control issues fly straight out the window, as we hook into the strength of the torpedo-shaped tuna. After much coordination and teamwork, all three fish are on the boat. There are high fives and celebrations.  Grown men are hugging and rejoicing, there is blood and Bluefin Tuna all over the deck. Happy days, the mind is distracted with the pleasure of the spoils. The adrenaline is pumping and all thought has evaporated. This is why we as men, make the expedition. A tank full of the fish. For a solid 10 minutes after the fish have been caught, all the boys are up and about and this is when I noticed how powerful the mind can be.

The relevance of survival and the ability to handle the conditions are a distant thought, the adrenaline has taken over the mind and rendered it useless. All thoughts are powerless, we as a collective group of males have taken our energy levels way above our control threshold. For the moment anyway.Not long after this, the wind picks up and the rain starts with vicious gusto. Dark clouds ahead and the mood becomes somber, we face grey rain clouds at every angle in the distance. The positive talk goes and now we must endure some more punishment. Nature will always prevail, everyone on the boat knows we are at the mercy of the sea and that’s what intensifies the situation.

If the group’s energy can rise and fall at the whim of the waves and wind, the mind and its repressing limitations are controlling all the play behind the scenes. One moment I was happily staring out into the horizon contemplating this amazing thought when our skipper asked if anyone fancied a coffee. Which in itself a lovely gesture, for cold and suffering men. The thought of coffee was enough for me to instantly turn green and begin to feel like I needed to throw up. It’s incredible how quickly these feelings came on.

Deep breaths, the feelings I had of anxiety are slowly subsiding and I can feel the color of my face returning to normal. I still feel nauseous for a little while after this. Now the group of men on the boat are all silent and staring at the rain hitting the water, the swell is mashing the boat from side to side. We are all hanging onto to any rail available, the violence of the ocean is throwing us into each other and there is no reprieve.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. FISH ON!!! Every single rod on the boat goes off, its mayhem. We have driven over a big school of tuna and all the reels are screaming as these fish are desperate to get away from us. I grab the first rod I see, the skipper is yelling instructions and directing the situation like a conductor.

These tuna are amazing fighters, the second they feel any sort of pressure or resistance from the hook. They dive deep under the boat or try to cross over other lines. It’s quite a humbling fighting a Southern Bluefin tuna, they are a powerful beast. I drag the fish towards me with my shoulder muscles burning, my arms feel like jelly and my deep breathing went completely out the window. I was gassed, struggling for any breath at all.

My fish swims up to the boat and the deckie gaffs it right in the head. I look behind me to see other blokes leaning into their rods and fighting fish, already there is a couple of fish flipping around on the deck. I turn to go and sit down, the skipper screams at me to grab the other rod. Bang, I’m into another tuna. Completely exhausted from the first fish, I draw on all my energy to skull drag the next fish in. The deckie gaffs this one in the head as well and I just stand there, completely exhausted and totally energized at the same time.

I couldn’t move for about 20 seconds; feelings of high energy are running through my body. I enjoy this feeling. Unbridled enthusiasm, for that short period of time my mind is transported briefly into heaven. It’s the happiest and most fulfilling feeling. I’m humbled and thankful for the opportunity to be on the water with my mates, catching amazing fish.

Everyone on the boat goes wild, when the fight is over. It takes some serious communication and understanding to get 7 out of the 8 tuna we hooked up. In any fisherman’s language, that is good going. We turn the boat around and head towards land, the skipper and crew are bursting with pride and smiles. There hasn’t been a fish caught in four days up in Portland, we sorted that out. As a group, we braved the conditions, steamed the 2 hours all the way out to the continental shelf in extreme conditions and endured everything the ocean could throw at us. The sun started to come out and all the boys are pumped up, the cold beer back at the pub is calling. Everyone discusses the way we managed to work together, to get the job done. The teamwork and connection between us are all that matters. We all know that, but no one mentions it. It's a very special bond between us.

Never the less, we learned a lot about ourselves and our resolve as a group. We are all going with the flow of life at this point. Everyone is embracing the moment. It has been a wonderful experience and pleasure to share the same space with these men. Later that evening one of men relays the message of achievement over a beer, he explains to the group that he always feels like he has achieved something when he spends a day out on the water at Portland. What that something is, is hard to put into words. A day on the ocean, is the perfect example of the challenges males face in life. We all know it’s possible to enjoy ourselves, the rewards come due to our ability to endure and go the distance. Our capability is tested by some rough weather and the mind can play tricks on us. Even though we have done it all before, there are points when you start to question your ability.

This can be an extremely vulnerable position for men to find themselves in and an amazing opportunity to look inwardly to discover what you are made of internally. Why does facing the control emotion, reveal so much about our character? Why does the mind put so much emphasis on commanding a situation?

What I learned were lessons on flexibility and being able to adapt to the landscape. I surely would have been seasick, had I not stood up and taken a different approach to my thoughts. Deep breathing refreshed the hold my mind was having over my experience. We are capable of creating exactly what we put our minds too. Absorbing each moment of life as it comes, distracts the mind and allows us to enjoy life just as we are meant to.

For the 2019 Southern Bluefin Tuna Season bookings and inquiries. Email hello@hardcuddles.com Whether you are looking for an adventure as an individual or with a group of friends. We organise the transport, accomodation and the fishing experience for you.

Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

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HARD CUDDLES Blog #006 - INCARCERATION AND REHABILITATION

INCARCERATION AND REHABILITATION

In Australia, 44.8% of all prisoners released are back within those four walls within two years and the current average expenditure for taxpayers to house a prisoner is $286 per day. The question is how can prisoners break the shackles, transform themselves and go on to enjoy a fruitful and prosperous life? Is this possible? Can prisoners be successfully rehabilitated?

The answer is, I for one am not going to sit back and wonder. After spending time inside the criminal world, I began to notice the emotional trauma restricting its inhabitants from personal growth to any sort of resemblance of a happy and functioning life. Many “straighties” who take a life of privilege as a given, would not comprehend how a person continually makes bad decisions.

From what I have seen there really isn’t a choice, it’s the only way they know how. Criminals are born and raised with street smarts and they are always looking for angles and ways of getting ahead, it’s mentality ingrained in the psyche as long as they can remember. The focus is on looking after number.1 and never letting your guard down.

The scary thing is the mindset or program I am discussing can and does work for criminals, at least for a period of time. Never letting your guard down keeps the wolves at bay, but it also keeps barriers up that will not allow in any form of emotional development. Words like vulnerability or openness are treated as a disease and are clear signs of weakness. I am in control here.

This is why I believe for any criminal to break the cycle, they must go back through their whole life and make sense of all the hurt, pain and turmoil they have faced. Make no mistake about it these criminals I am talking about have been created, they are not born this way. I have spent time with violent people and when I listened to their life stories, it all stacks up.

Trevor Hendy my mentor calls it clearing emotional blockages or hooks. Moments in time that have greatly affected a human’s natural flow, these moments create fear or feelings of ineptitude. Now for a criminal that prides themselves on resilience and not showing vulnerability, these moments fester and never get addressed. So they remain dormant…... for a while.

Eventually, there will be a person or situation that triggers the individual and all this repressed emotion will explode in a moment of re-active rage. Instead of calmly working through different processes that allow a person to release emotions gradually, a criminal will engage in a moment of madness or self-medication with illicit substances to ease these strange internal feelings.

It takes a unique type of person to stand in front of 100 inmates at a correctional centre and talk about feelings, in a lot of ways I guess that person needs to be an unconventional person with an ability to think quickly on their feet, very much like a criminal. Am I capable of connecting with an audience of battle-hardened warriors, I'm not sure. But I am going to find out.

Emotional content never goes away, it has to be addressed, it has to be understood, lessons have to be learned, so the individual can move through to the NEXT CONTEST!!! Both I and an ex-inmate, now Hard Cuddles Ambassador Steven Kline have thrown our hats into the ring, we are voluntarily heading out to Hopkins Correctional Centre this Friday to facilitate a workshop.

The workshop is centred around emotional wellbeing, transformation, and rehabilitation. Understanding the strength of our pain and surrendering the ego. We will be asking some hard questions and working through some extremely challenging, dark material. It will be an exhausting and exhilarating all at once. I have spoken in front of many crowds, but this gig has me pumped.

The reason I have such a high level of enthusiasm is because I was lucky enough to get through, I wouldn't say unscathed. But I certainly didn't spend any time inside those four walls. I am eager to learn and appreciate how hard it is to do time in a correctional facility. I feel it is my duty to go back and drag as many of these blokes through to the other side as humanly possible.

The problem is offending and re-offending isn't going away, in fact, it is growing as is our population. The current model we have set up isn’t working, for me, that is a clear indication there is time for massive change. I am forever thankful to Hayley the forward-thinking transition coordinator for the opportunity to try.

Stay tuned for an update regarding the Hard Cuddles Case Study. 10 participants will be hand-selected to take up the Transformation Package: counseling (whilst inside), mentoring (on release), cv/resume, reference, job presentation workshop with our trained professional Alex and ongoing Hard Cuddles support.

When you’re on the dance floor, you gotta dance.

 Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

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HARD CUDDLES Blog #005 - INTO THE WILD

INTO THE WILD RETREAT

The most extraordinary thing about sharing time with any individual in a remote location is knowing that human connection is inevitable. Every time I turn off the Princess Highway and point the Toyota Hilux towards my special camping destination, I smile and look at the eager Hard Cuddles participants and say, “nature is going to heal you down here as long as you are open to its possibilities.”

Strange things happen during Into the Wild and these strange coincidences happen all too often. I have spent time camping at some very special places up and down the East Coast of Australia, but for me, there is a strange pull towards Into the Wild. I have never been able to describe that feeling and in a lot of ways, there probably isn't any need too.

During these retreats, I allow males the opportunity to disconnect from technology and the pace of modern society, then reconnect with their true self. It's a chance for men to remember what it was like when they were young boys and the natural curiosity for adventure determined the outcome of the journey. Fishing, spearfishing, paddle-boarding, kayaking, swimming, and surfing.

Of an evening we all prepare clean food with each other then we sit down around a roaring campfire and discuss the experiences of the day. Individuals are afforded the chance to share their feelings under the cover of a starlit sky. This is where the magic happens, an open fire is more of a truth pit and some of the most remarkable self-realisations are easily discovered. So very healing.

 It’s nothing to see a pod of dolphins fly through the front of a wave riding the power of the ocean with effortless ease. Words will never capture how this moment affects a human being, it's so humbling to be in the presence of a dolphin. The true master of the sea. To see them in numbers having fun, completely present and totally conscious ignites something internally.

Gigantic humpback whales migrating with their young, slap the water with their enormous fins to move the wandering children in the right direction. A baby humpback whale came within 50 meters of my position in the kayak throwing itself in the air and smashing the water with its immense size. The ever watchful mother never too far away, always guiding and protecting.

One afternoon when we were all rock fishing two sea-eagles hovered above us eyes peeled ready for anything moving in the water and even though these majestic birds soared high in the clouds we could see the giant wingspan and it gave us all an idea of how powerful they are. Twice a sea-eagle glided down and hit the water looking for a fish to eat, we all starred at each other in silence.

I have always wanted to catch and eat a blue groper, it was explained to me that they are one of the tastiest fish in the sea. What makes them so special to catch is their size and bulk, they don’t give up without a big fight. Walking along the beach we noticed something lying on the shore, it was a big blue groper that had just passed away. We ate it and shared it with the other campers.

The nocturnal marsupials are ever present as we ate this meal, possums, wallabies, kangaroos, wombats, and echidnas. The most special of all the marsupials was the endangered bandicoot that took a particular liking to one of the men on the camp that needed its healing energy. The bandicoot touched his foot completely comfortable with our presence.

We caught much fish on this retreat and what was exceptionally special about eating them was how we disposed of the remains. We tossed the skeletons into the bush, waiting for the goannas to slowly wander over and engulf every single morsel of the leftovers we could not use. The complete circle of life, nothing is wasted.

I took the men to a stone gorge in the middle of the bush, a private oasis where freshwater had carved itself numerous waterfalls and several large pools that allowed us the opportunity the plunge ourselves into the cleansing water. The pools were layered and I spent time floating with the stillness of nature. Such simplicity and silence is just another chance to heal the body.

One special evening around the truth pit of the open fire we shared some truths about our personalities and begun to understand the importance of balance and emotional openness. We let ourselves be totally vulnerable with each other, we healed as one. Rather than talking, we listened to each other and observed our own strengths within one another.

We went Into the Wild with unknown potential and left as a united band of brothers. It's impossible to encapsulate the true essence of this journey in words, ultimately we left parts of ourselves with the animals, we left parts of ourselves within the fire and we left parts of ourselves with the sea. In return, the wilderness gave us all the grounding we needed to find inner balance.

Love,

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Hard Cuddles Blog #004 - VULNERABILITY AND IMPERFECTION

VULNERABILITY AND IMPERFECTION

 When our youngest daughter Claire Harding was born in December 2017, my wife and I decided to name her after my Grandmother on my father's side. So for me, it didn't really come as a surprise to receive the news that my 5th child is not perfect. It was picked up very early that my little girl has significant hearing loss and like her namesake life is going to be challenging at times.

Instinctively I felt the need to accept this information in a positive fashion and truth be told I have always wanted to learn sign language. My reaction was to look at the most extreme case of total hearing loss and begin operating from there. That way if little Claire was granted some hearing rather than nothing at all, it would truly be a gift.

My humble belief is that people choose their life before they come down into this world, they choose the blueprint they want to work with and the lessons they need to learn. This belief allows me to find great inspiration, respect, and admiration for the people that have the strength and courage to choose a challenging life.

After numerous visits to different hearing specialists, it was discovered that Claire has moderate to severe hearing loss and would require hearing aids for the rest of her life. High pitched sounds are always going to be a battle for Claire and deep noises are going to be her strengths. I was elated with the news that my youngest daughter will be able to enjoy her own version of sound.

Then my mind flew back to my own experience at a dance party I attended many years ago at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl, an event called Summerdayze. I have no idea why I had earplugs in my pocket that blocked out noise, especially at a dance party when the whole idea of the day is to appreciate sounds and noises coming from the speakers.

I took myself as close as I could get to a large speaker as the DJ cranked his hardcore techno tunes and I placed the earplugs in my ears, what I felt was an intense feeling of sensory deprivation. There was little to no noise coming through my ears and I felt the sound reverberating along the ground then up my legs and through my body. That feeling was amazing and beyond-belief.

Now here I was with my life partner getting our daughter fitted for hearing aids, my beautiful wife was overwhelmed with emotion at the thought that somehow she had contributed to little Claire’s imperfection and my heart hurt for her. She had tears in her eyes and that is when I noticed how vulnerable we all feel when we are faced with something that is out of our control.

We talked and comforted each other as the leaders of our family and my wife stared at Claire with both sadness and happiness. Claire was imperfect in the most perfect way, most parents will feel that their children are special and they have every right to feel that way. Every child is special and our daughter is going to teach us so many different lessons about our own need to be perfect.

Our little girl was brave enough to sign up for this life, to come through and teach everyone she meets that her challenges are blessings, it’s a reason for her to inspire, achieve and overcome, so for that I am thankful. There is this feeling when I look at her, a feeling of deep softness in my heart which means our imperfect little girl has started helping us embrace our own imperfections.

The ongoing support and guidance we have received from the hospital, doctors and ear specialists has been outstanding. I cannot speak highly enough of the health services we have access to in this incredible country. It makes me very proud and appreciative of this place I call home, Australia. Unfortunately, not every country is able to provide that level of care for their people.

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HARD CUDDLES BLOG #003 - WHAT A YARRA

EXCERPT  FROM “HARD CUDDLES”

WHAT A YARRA

“a pheasant one day, a feather duster the next” Charlie Wootton

I was contacted by a couple of Chinese gentlemen heavily involved in illegal gambling and drug distribution throughout the city and the western suburbs. These particular men were not the type of people that you take lightly, they both had fearsome reputations for getting things done and were extremely low key in the way they handled their business. People that failed to meet their demands seem to just vanish. For the sake of the story, I will call them Mr. Wing and Mr. Wong, I met the two of them at a quiet empty restaurant in Chinatown and I knew right from the start that if I accepted the job on offer, there would be no allowances for mistakes on my part.

Mr. Wing and Mr. Wong were sitting with their backs against the walls of a table at the end of this particular establishment. It appeared to me that they were afforded their own personal table and the owner of the restaurant made a very special effort to please the two of them and anyone that was in their company. The thing I love about doing business with Chinese people is not only there under the radar approach, but also the level of respect they treat people with. Mr. Wing and Mr. Wong were both slight men with immaculate attire, they both wore understated designer clothing that reeked off good taste and serious money. You would easily walk past these two chaps at Prada and not think a damn thing about either of them, really nondescript types. Underneath those clothes they had some serious artwork scripted all over their bodies, not that I knew any of this. My friend that put me in contact with Mr. Wing and Mr. Wong had given me a serious de-brief on where they both sat in the food chain and how seriously I should handle the two of them.

HARD CUDDLES BLOG #002 - FATHERHOOD

FATHERHOOD

One of the most incredible journeys a man can undertake is bringing a human life into this world with his wife or partner. It's an exhilarating time filled with excitement and trepidation, we are stepping into uncharted territory and that in itself is an extremely powerful and courageous voyage. There are many books and classes that try to help us make sense of the upcoming experience, though nothing can really prepare us for this ride.

There is hope that it will be all rainbows and skittles, but the truth is fatherhood is an overwhelming adventure with many swings and roundabouts. What is not explained is the pressure and vulnerability we experience when we strive to provide a beautiful foundation for the life we have just created. Finding our way through the odyssey of being a responsible parent leaves very little time for anything else in our lives.

A wise man once said to me, “just being there is 80% of it” now this was sound advice from a wonderful father in his own right. The flip side to this statement involves modern technology, there is no use being there if you are not engaged with your child. A number of fathers I see at the park, on their phones is staggering. Being in the present moment with your little ones is the most beautiful thing you can do for the both of you.

Then there is the misses, at times I took my father duties so seriously I disengaged from my wife and became so consumed with being the provider of the family, I lost touch with the most knowledgeable ally at my disposal. The misses can be the greatest sounding board and support network known to man, the tricky part is being emotionally vulnerable with your partner and discussing the challenges you are facing on a regular basis. 

There is no need to battle alone when I began to express my feelings and openly admit I was unsure and struggling with many different aspects of being a dad, my wife and I engaged with each other and took our relationship to a whole new level. The truth is my challenges were very similar to her challenges and together we formed a team capable of overcoming and working through anything that life could present us with. 

Long gone are the days of manning up and soldiering on, the evolution of being a Dad is now defined by our ability to dedicate ourselves to finding the balance between work, health, happiness and supporting our family. Nothing is more important than the love and unity we create within the four walls of our home. Be brave gentlemen and communicate with your partners, they are there to help you be the best version of yourself. 

Love and prosperity,

James “the hammer” Harding

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